She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize