Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
