there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
not ubering you a puppy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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