So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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