If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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