i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
