omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
