I need to stop coming to work sober
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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