He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
