I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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