happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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