He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
