if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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