The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Randomize
