More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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