we have officially lost it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
