She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
