The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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