If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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