Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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