I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i think i just lost a toe
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
