dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
