my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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