It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
