Your face is a jimmy john
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
