when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
