for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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