Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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