you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
