I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
