Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
