Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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