Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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