Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
