Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
