If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Two words: nipple clamps
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