she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
