Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
