Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
