I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize