I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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