I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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