Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
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her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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