Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am available for nakedness
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
