Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
