You're my little dorito
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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