Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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