i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
