NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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