Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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