I wish you could order shots online.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
