Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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