He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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