So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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