Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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