The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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