You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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