This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
