I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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