cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
