Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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