Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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