nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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