Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
