So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
