I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
