I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
