just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
