Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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